What is a sex-coach and why do you need one?

What is a sex-coach?

The job’s actual requirements are flexible and depend on the individual sex-coach. Predominantly a conversation-based method is applied. There are also those who will give you feedback after watching you “work” in the comfort of your own home and even some who practice a “hands-on” approach to awaken or grasp your full sexual potential. The common objective amongst all of them is to offer insight, improve their clients’ sex-life and to help them overcome erotic barriers. If this sounds like therapy, well – not quite.

Most people have some form of difficulty and challenges surrounding sexuality that they need to work through. A sex-coach aims to create a safe space in which people can talk freely about sex – their fantasies, their experiences, their desires, their insecurities, their concerns and fears – without judgment or shame. He or she usually does not delve down into the roots of emotional or psychological traumas and barriers, but instead works on the basis of the client’s current situation as a starting point and tries to find practical steps forward.

How does sex-coaching work in practice?

A sex-coach starts with meeting his clients in the confines of a neutral safe place (office or similar) and based on their conversations figures out their inhibitions and desires. On this basis, a road-map is drawn up, to overcome the barriers and support their path to sexual fulfillment. This road-map normally consists of specific assignments which clients action at home in preparation for the next session. The assignments center around practices to promote mindfulness and relaxation, such as for example breathing techniques, changes in thinking patterns and consciously disciplined self-touching to help them explore their entire bodies and erogenous zones.

A common example is a woman, who despite having been married for many years, has never experienced an orgasm during intercourse with her husband. During her first session, the sex-coach asks questions around her masturbation practices, like when she does it, how, where, how often and whether she enjoys using any assistance (erotic movies, sex toys, etc.).

Next, the woman is taught how to trace her arousal cycle and implement step-by-step relaxation methods to practice on her own. Once she has explored and gotten to know her body better on her own, the focus shifts to pinpointing exactly what she lacks when sleeping with her husband, how she could express her desires and perhaps even phantasies towards her husband in an inclusive and appealing way. Putting theoretical steps into action is one element, the most important however is to find the best way of transporting feedback to her partner.

Sex-coach versus sex-therapist – what is the difference?

A sex-therapist searches for the root of sexual issues in the depths of the individual’s psychology. He or she therefore approaches sexual issues from a psychological, rather than physical or practical perspective.

Currently, there is not yet any “gold-standard” certification which has crystallized in the space of sex-therapy. However, sex therapists generally adhere to a code of ethics, similar to those in the field of behavioral psychology.

Contrary to sex-therapy, sex coaching does not build upon psychological fundamentals. Some coaches develop into the field of human sexuality from a therapeutic education, others don’t. Sex coaches often think of themselves as approaching their clients’ issues in a more practical manner, like what’s going on and what can be done differently, thereby offering their clients the “meat on the skeleton” of sexual improvement. Their practices are usually founded on experience and intuition rather than rigorous education like that of a sex-therapist. Sexual issues, which arise due to underlying mental health conditions, high-conflict relationships, co-dependency between couples, etc., therefore typically fall outside of the scope of a sex-coach. However, in these cases a sex-coach can still deliver a crucial component on the road to recovery when utilized as a complementary element to the entire therapeutic delivery system.

Who can benefit most from a sex-coach?

At its base, sex is deeply subjective. Whilst one person finds their problems solved by meditation, massage, coaching conversations, in-person coital coaching, or tantric instructions, others benefit greatly from psychoanalysis.

People who see coaches tend to do so because they don’t necessarily want to be diagnosed or categorized as “dysfunctional” or feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Instead, they seek assistance for making swift and practical improvements rather than someone getting deep into their head.

In the end, it is about finding the right person, whether a sex-coach or sex-therapist, who can really relate to you and may have a unique point of view or passion for helping you overcome your personal barriers and improving your level of sexual fulfillment.

Conclusion:

Some people suffer from insecurities and barriers around sexuality. A sex-coach can not only help overcome these issues in a practical manner but can also assist in building higher levels of sexual intimacy in a relationship. Even without acknowledging any major problems, a good sex-coach can support men and women in reaching new levels of sexual satisfaction.