1×1 of dating – 8 rules for more success on the first date!
The first date is an exciting and thrilling moment. A great first date can be a wonderful start to a relationship, a bad first date can negatively affect the process of getting to know each other. Communication is the foundation of any working relationship and hence boring or even negative conversations can cause the first date to fail. There are also other factors you may not have considered.
If you’ve met people who could be potential partners before, you probably know that not every first date leads to more. However, if you make the most of the date, this encounter may lead to a long-term relationship.
8 rules for the first date
With the following eight dating rules, you are well prepared for your first date and you just need to figure out what to do afterwards.
An important first question to ask yourself before you even meet is, “Is this encounter a date?” This is because it will help you determine if the other person is interested in getting to know you better or if it is just meant to be a one-time date. Clarifying expectations in advance is an important part of dating. It may happen that the person who has invited you may have invited other people, and it is not meant to be a romantic evening. Communication can help you avoid awkward situations or confusion.
One question that many people ask when they go on a date is whether you should kiss the other person on the first date. This question can only ever be answered individually and depends on several aspects: is the chemistry between you right, how do you and the other person feel and does the possibility of a kiss arise at all.
If you don’t feel comfortable kissing on the first date, say so. Some people need a little more time before allowing physical closeness. However, if you would like to do it, say so! Communication helps on every level and is essential to dating in a way that makes you feel safe and comfortable.
If you are toying with the idea of kissing your date, be prepared. Brushing your teeth before the date, flossing and pastilles work wonders!
Focus on what the other person is saying. If you can show that you are listening, you give the impression that you are interested in the other person and what he or she is saying. Again, communication is an important clue to assessing a relationship. If you find it easy to listen to your partner, this may indicate that you are interested in the person. However, if you find it difficult, the opposite may be true. If you pay attention to whether the other person is listening to you, you may be able to gauge his or her interest in you that way.
2. give your date your full attention
If you like to look at your phone and spend time on your mobile device, don’t do it during the date. Pay attention to the person across from you and don’t keep scrolling through your phone. It’s one thing to briefly check the time, but consistently looking at your phone can signal disinterest to the person across from you. No one wants to be second fiddle and feel like you’re bored. This way, you reduce the chance of a second date.
3. avoid creating expectations that are too high
Make sure that even if you like your date and they are hoping for more, you don’t set the bar too high. Don’t overspend on a first date at a restaurant to impress the person. If you do, you will feel pressured on every subsequent date and may want to outdo yourself. Start at a casual place and talk, this way you can get to know each other better. There are many options for a first date. For this, it is helpful to know what your date’s ideas are and what type he/she is.
Ideas for romantic time for two
There are many ways to spend time together with your date and get closer romantically. Here are a few ideas: Go to a small unfamiliar restaurant, invite your date to your home, cook together and watch a movie, go to a bar with live music or have a picnic in nature.
Ideas for a casual date
If you’re just getting to know each other and don’t know where you want to go with it yet, a cooking or dance class together might be a good idea, or you could meet at a karaoke bar. A guided tour of a nearby city, a visit to a cabaret, or walking through the park can give you the opportunity to spend casual time together.
Movie date tips:
If you want to watch a movie with your date, discuss and don’t decide for yourself. It won’t go over well if you choose a movie that your date doesn’t like.
Many people also worry about paying on the first date. Some people expect the person who invited to pay. But again, communication is helpful, talk about whether you will split the bill, or one person will pay.
4. wear comfortable shoes.
Since high heels often make walking difficult and leave blisters, this can become a disruptive factor during the date. Wear comfortable shoes that don’t restrict your movement while dancing or walking. It is likely that your date will focus more on you than on your shoes or feet.
5. have a good conversation and do not argue
If you are passionate about your personal beliefs, you may want to bring them up on your first date, so that you know how the potential partner feels about them. Heavily politicized, controversial, and emotionally charged topics are best saved for future meetings when you have had a chance to get to know each other better.
6. avoid heavy drinking
To make a good impression, do not indulge in alcohol. Even though it reduces nervousness and makes it easier to talk, you should keep control. If you consume too much alcohol, it can give the impression that you have a problem with alcohol. To calm down, you can do breathing exercises, meditate or go for a walk.
7. mirroring the other person conveys interest
Research shows that people consciously and subconsciously pay attention to the body language of the other person. Body language is similar in all people. Communication is not only verbal, but also non-verbal. Mirroring the other person makes him/her feel more comfortable. Often this happens unconsciously when you find the other person likeable. However, you can use mirroring consciously, so your date feels heard and seen. Be careful not to make it too obvious by over-mimicking movements. Mirror subtly. Small hand gestures, return smiles or put yourself in the same position.
8. focus on the present
Don’t necessarily talk about past relationships with your date. It’s no problem to casually mention the ex-partner(s), but don’t reminisce about your exes. This can give the impression that you are not over the past relationship. In addition, your date may feel that you are not interested in him/her. Focus on the here and now.
Be yourself. Pay attention to your date and show that you are interested. A first date consists of getting to know each other. Go on the date with a positive attitude. Scale back your expectations and give the other person space to be who he/she is. And most importantly, take your time getting to know each other!
But what if it doesn’t work out? Have you been rejected? Have you not been called back after several dates? All these incidents can cause your self-esteem to drop, optimism to slip away. Doubts about yourself arise and the motivation to partner seems hopeless? A therapist or coach can help you to solve your communication, self-worth and related problems.
Do you still have questions about the topic – first date and how do I behave best? Or do you have fears about the first date? Do you need support in your search for a partner? Find out more about CS-Coaching at any time, free of charge and without obligation, or make your first, individual coaching appointment today.